WALK DOWN THE MEMORY LANE

On a rainy morning suddenly the urge of getting out of the house and taking a walk, getting drenched in the rain, feeling the fresh cold rain water falling on my face with the cool breeze patting my face gently like a velvet cloth touching the skin…….so soft yet so stern and chill……………..made me start this trip……

So i started this voyage……..i preferred calling it a voyage and not a walk ‘coz today i wanted to discover not the trees or the nature’s beauty surrounding me………………but i was out to discover myself…………..my past………my childhood…….that innocence which got lost in one these lanes somewhere……i was out to search that innocence once again………maybe i would come face to face with it today……….

With these thoughts i started my journey………..the first step in many days which was made for me………..not for someone else……..not for going to the shop nearby or to the market……..but in search of me…..

The journey was an ordinary walk first……seeing many people running behind buses so that they could reach their respective destinations……..so that they could start their day like an ordinary day…….office-home-office schedule……..Small kids waiting for their school bus to arrive so that they could make it to school in time…….but somewhere deep in their hearts hoping that the bus doesn’t arrive and they don’t have to go to school today……hoping for another rainy day holiday…….this was the first stop down the memory lane which i took…….the kids stretching their hands in the rain trying to catch the raindrops in their small palms……..hooded raincoats of various patterns and colors bearing cartoons and fairies on them…….older children with colorful umbrellas and heavy bags on their shoulders gossiping and chatting with their fellow frnds……….parents catching the small hands firmly of their small children asking them not to jump in the puddle and spoil their shoes and uniform………..and the kds not paying attn jumping and grining at their parents………

I continued my walk……..continued to discover myself…………discover these small daily events which were once disliked by me and my frnds….but today they are missed more than pizzas or burgers………

The next stop was the small cafe near by………this was once a place where all friends use to sit and gossip and have fun……..an adda as it was always called………….it was the place where we all frnds had met for the last time after the 10th exams……..before all of us took to different directions in life……..The shop keeper still remembering me waved and smiled at me………..and i waved back with a smile thinking about the faint memory this old man still carries with him about the bunch of youngsters waiting to get out of school and enter junior college……..Still that warm smile of him that makes us more like a friend rather than the cafe owner………

Suddenly as all good things come to an end…….it was proved that science has developed so much that no human can stay at peace…….the cellphone rang indicating that for today my trip had come to an end……….that it was time for me to get back home and my daily schedule of classes………and it was then i remembered the essay my teacher use to ask us write in school SCIENCE A BOON OR A CURSE………..i don’t know but at that moment……….science was indeed proving itslef to be a curse for me……….

I took a turn back home…….hoping that someday i will complete this journey i started today………to find myself………still i was deep in thoughts when one of the school buses passed by me like a gush of wind……and reminding me that one more day got entered in the memory book……………THE TRIP DOWN THIS MEMORY LANE………….

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life goes on…………

We were standing at the platform where his train had arrived a few mins ago………..everyone busy placing their luggage in their respective seats…….coolies carrying baggages on their head, people searching for their respective boogie by going thru each and every reservation charts pasted on the wall of this long wagon………kids jumping with joy, some crying to their parents to get them an ice-cream some chocolates, some enjoying the ride on the luggage cart…………surrounded by that noise were we standing in utter silence….not knowing what to say……….to each other or may be about each other………

Suddenly the silence broke with him asking “so…….3 yrs………” a pause…..pause which was so long it appeared as a decade……..a voice ringing in my ears saying 3 yrs so loudly that i thought that in a few seconds i might go deaf………again the conversation continued…..”3 yrs that i will be away…..don’t worry 3 yrs will go in a blink……..u take care of yourself”……all i knew at this moment was nothing except the tears which rolled down my cheek……a voice trying to say something but was killed by the silence between us…….“ya i will…..” was all that i could manage…….i felt the urge to tell him not to go….just stay back……but din’t know how to tell him…..and so i din’t.

The train was about to leave in a few mins…….he trying to say something but wasn’t just like me…..but unlike me he did say……..“in these 3 yrs life will change…..i don’t know if we will still……still remain the same….i mean…” he paused and i knew just what was coming……when he suddenly looked at me…straight in my eyes, held my hand and took a deep breath and then came the most dreaded words from him………“don’t take me wrong in any way……..but……don’t wait for me….i might not come back…….come back to this place………this city………this life…..and to you……” As if my life was a film script and h the director who chooses when and where which turn will take place……the train gave a call for its departure………maybe it was the best way to end……he left my hand turned…..gave a last kiss on my forehead and left……..caught the train….turned to wave a goodbye and shouted…….“I AM SORRY……….HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND”

I din’t understand…….maybe i din’t wanna understand…….all i knew was that he was gone leaving me stranded on this platform……asking me to change my way………asking me to fly on in the unknown sky of life with my wings tore apart………all i knew was i had to walk on ALONE……..i turned and took the first step towards home…..that first step was the most painful of all…….knowing that once i take this step there is no moving behind in life……moving back to him……..to us….

Maybe it was hard to accept but one thing was good that it din’t happen after waiting for him for 3 yrs……..waiting for him to come back to me………but never expected it to happen like this……..

i wiped my tears and walked……..walked to a new me…….coz i knew crying for him and the past would pain me more………so i preferred to leave it here on this very platform……let it drift away with the wind that blew against my face that felt like a slap each time it hit…………..and i walked………..walked to a new path of life………coz watever happens ZENDAGI MEGZARA…….LIFE GOES ON………..

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love

love happened once……….and now never ever again it will happen……..

how many times have we said this statement………..or even heard………I have loved once hence can never ever love anyone is my life again how much i loved him/her…………the statement which always the heart said screaming out loud when it broke………broke by falling on the ground………falling from the grip of the one person we had loved and had handed this fragile little thing thinking its the safest place in the world for it to reside………..then what happens……..one day that faithful trustworthy person turns back against us……opens his/her palm and just drops this fragile little thing we call heart crushing it into million pieces…….and what do we do as we see that person leaves us alone to moan the death of our feeling………our dreams and life……the only thing that we say to ourselves is

I Loved you so much but today you are leaving me….your decision……..but i promise no one will ever achieve that place again in my life what u had……..

Then suddenly one day love knocks at the door of the heart again…..asking you to open it for the person who wants to come in your life…………but what do we do………we shut all the windows tight and not only that we paint the windows black so tat love can’t even cast his shadow in our life again……….

We moan over the love we lost so much that we don’t see and respect love when he is coming…….coming again…………

I can love……..coz the one i loved broke my heart and left……………how can love happen again………….it happened and now its just infatuation………..no one can be what he/she was for me…………

The fact is we never realize is what are we moaning for

the one who left us………….

the heart which is broken………….

the heart which is empty coz the one who stayed in it left it………….

what are we moaning for?????????????

in all this we forget that we are not crying for all this but for the one who never was ours but we thought was the one for us…….If that person was your destiny would that person ever leave???????

It is true we can only love one person in our life………….whom we make a part of our life………..but what we don’t know is who is that one person…………..on the path of finding that one person we meet many people………….love them………..and yes at that moment we love them more than anyone to say that we cannot give anyone else the place they hold……………but the truth is always that…………

WE LOVE THEM MORE THAN ANYONE……………..TILL THE DAY WE FIND THE RIGHT PERSON…………..THATS THE DAY WHEN WE REALIZE THAT WE WERE CRYING FOR THE ABSENCE OF THE ONE WHO WAS IMPORTANT BUT WASN’T THE LAST STOP IN OUR LIFE………………BUT WE ARE NOT READY TO ACCEPT THE LOVE WHEN HE COMES KNOCKING……….COZ WHEN WE KNOCKED AT HIS DOOR HE WAS SLEEPING………SLEEPING TO MAKE US REALIZE WRONG TIME…….WRONG PERSON……..WAIT FOR THE RIGHT ONE……..THAT DAY I WILL BE THE ONE KNOCKING AT YOUR HEART……….WAIT AND WATCH………….

love happens just once……………..and what all remains behind is simply just life………………

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HEART OR MIND???

It happened so many times that i dint know whom to listen to my heart or my mind……

my mind which always gave logic to the answers and tried to find a reason behind everything that i did or wanted to do…………on the other hand was my heart……who just told me do what makes you happy………don’t find answers to each and every questions based on logic or observation……what brings a smile on your face in the end is right no matter what your mind is saying…….

i asked this same questions to everyone close to me………..and then a tht just flashed……..they are CLOSE TO ME……….whom did i listen to when i said they are close to me…….Heart or Mind?

Some questions never have answers……….this question also is one such question…………..go on a hunt for answers but nowhere will there reside the slightest possible hint that shows an inclination to anyone of them…………

Sometimes we listen to the heart when we should have listend to the mind…………and sometimes vice-versa…….

But one thing is true most of the time…………….be it the heart or the mind…….if the decision taken by any of them proves wrong……..the only one that breaks is the Heart……………Mind will hit on hard and say “IF YOU WOULD HAVE HEARD WHAT I WAS SAYING THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED”………..

Be it whoever we listen to in the end be it Heart or Mind what we get as the end product is always LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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My Lost Love

I USE TO BE WITH HIM EVERYDAY…………

AND FELT THIS FEELING 4 HIM……

I ALWAYS WANTED 2 GO AND SAY………..

WHAT ALL HE MEANT 2 ME………..

BUT I USE 2 SHRUG AND SAY NEXT TIME…………..

HAV A LONG WAY 2 GO…………

I NEVER KNEW THIS WAY WAS SHORT…………

AND TIME WAS LESS TOO……..

I USE 2 SEE THOSE BEAUTIFUL EYES………..

WHICH SPARKLED EVERYTIME………….

THE SMILE WHICH MELTED MILLIONS HEART……….

THE BELOVED FRND OF MINE…………..

I FOUND HIS SHOULDER TO SET MY TEARS………

WENEVER I WAS LOW………

I ALWAYS FOUND HIM BESIDE ME………

WHEREVER I WULD GO………………

I LOVED HIS STUNNING PERSONALITY……..

WITH WHICH HE STOLE MANY HEARTS…………

I LOVED HIS GENUINE GENEROSITY…………..

WHICH ALWAYS DEPICTED HIS HUGE HEART……………

HIS KIND WORDS OF FAITH…………..

HIS HARSH WORDS OF CONCERN…………

THE SOOTHING VOICE IN WHICH HE SAID………….

“I WILL ALWAYS B THER 4 U”

2DAY I REGRET MY MISCALCULATION……

TAT I CULDN’T SEE…………….

THE FORESIGHT OF THE LONG ROAD…………….

WHICH WAS IN FRONT OF ME………..

2DAY I SEE THOSE GLEAMING EYES………….

IN THE DARKNESS OF THE NIGHT……….

THE GENUINE SMILE…………..

IN THE STARS……………

ALL LUKIN AT ME……………..

I STAND UNDERNEATH THEM AND CRY………..

AND SAY……….

“MY PAL…………………MY LOVE……………

REST IN PEACE……….”

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