A dream

 A car came in front of me and I just dint know what to do…I turned and tried applying the breaks but no…….skrrrreeeaaakkk and baaaambbb

I don’t knw whats happening…all I knw is there are people all around me…looking down at me…saying something…no actually mumbling something…I cant hear it…

”Ambulance will be there in 5”…

Ambulance?

 What happened?

 Oh the car and….is everything fine? Y cant I move? I cant feel anything…y is all going black? Dark? Where is everyone going?

 

“hey mom!!!! Howz u?”

“I’m fine sweetie…where is dad?”

“he is gone with the doctor…Mamma what happened?”

“Nothing sweetheart….just  a bad day..”

“Daddy was saying you are gone”

“Where am I going?”

Liza my daughter, 4 yrs old sitting on my bed and talking to me…shrugged her shoulders and looked away

“Do you ever think things will be back to normal again?”

“Things are far better than normal dear…”

“I hope so too”

“Whats wrong sweety? What is that’s troubling you?”

“Am I going somewhere? Or are you going away?”

Tears filled her eyes as she was speaking these words….those long curly tresses were shinning in the sunlight and the soft blue eyes shimmered with the tears that seemed to have drowned her in a sea of emotions and dillusions.

“No baby….mamma is not going anywhere and neither are you”

“Y is daddy saying we have to go away….its time..”

“Did daddy say that?”

“ya”

“why did he say that?”

“I don’t know”

“Liza come honey we gotta go…..”

Tats Moris…but where is he? Why can’t I see him?

“ Moriss!!!!!! Moris where are you? Where are you taking Liza? Y are you leaving me?”

“Mamma I gotta go…”

“Liza..No”

“Bye bye mamma…you are always in my prayers”

“Lizaaaaaaa”

I wake up with a startle….I look around to see where am i? I was in Liza’s room…holding the photograph of Moris Liza and myself. She was an angel…she looked like Moris…tall fair..blue eyes blonde hair. As my hands touched the frame my tears started to fall on them…

 

It was a year ago when all were at home…

“Leena….lets go its time”

”Coming….”

I reach the living room…people are gathered near the fireplace next to the piano.

“Hi Leena”

“Hi, I am so glad you could make it Mrs Davis”

“Where is Moris….”

“Next to Liza”

As we all sat in the room contradicting the white polished walls of the house with the dark pitched black attires we were wearing the service began.

“We are gathered here for the last service of Moris and Liza Mckenze, Husband and daughter of Leena Mckenze………”

Tats all that I was able to hear and register. Liza did go with Moris away. That night of the accident it wasn’t just me…Moris and Liza were the ones who were hurt the most. That night I wish I could have saved my husband and my daughter but I just couldn’t do anything…My darling still looked like an angel…Moris her guardian….both the wings of my flight but torn down. I look around everyday to see if I can find them somewhere hiding and playing and just saying “Hey honey I am back”

“Mamma catch me…”

I see every nook and corner to find no one.

 

It’s been a year after the separation….I am in Liza’s room and cleaning the toys and the books cabinet which I never found the courage to open and check or clean….As I took the books she had always insisted that I never check a page fell down. I took that paper …folded by a 4 yr old…crumpled and kept safe in her books and opened it…

“You are always in my prayers Mamma….both Daddy’s and mine J”

I wept and wept my heart out…..

“You too are in my prayers Liza….I love you both…Moris”

All I heard was a voice familiar, gentle, soft that calmed my untamed heart

“We know”

 

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Good Morning

Walking on the road with a mop in hand
In search of the sky, water or land
I am a wanderer, wondering between Yes or No
I have my suitcase packed and I am ready to go
I run, I climb, I walk, I play
But when time asks, I stand and stay
Places are new and the route is long
So excuse me for writing this pathetic song
I can sing and smile and talk and dance
Oh please Oh God, give me just one chance
I will prove to all that I am worth
No gold or silver, but of soil on earth
I can laugh out loud and roll on the floor
When you will hear me sing you will say NO MORE
I will make your eyes cry and stomach to pain
You laugh so much, there will be nothing left to gain
I will be a worm for you, that glows with no glum
For every night the sun, shines out of my bum
I have 32 teeth and 2 more on their way
All screaming and shouting
“Have an awesome Day”

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Friends for life…………..

I crossed the place where memories where made………sweet cruel horrid beautiful subtle and harsh……….all different adjectives describing the same “MEMORIES”. As I was about to walk pass by the route I had crossed years ago I just stopped. Something just took a grip of my feet and all I felt was I had gone paralyzed leg down and couldn’t walk. The soil of the place and the fragrance of the similar friendly surrounding just stopped everything around me. The time the pace and some reason it had stopped me as well.

As I walked nearer I saw a group of friends sitting near the lake and giggling and laughing and just having fun. Nothing different about this situation. But this dragged me deep within my thought and I suddenly could see as a vision of the past when it was my friends and me who use to sit at that very same place.

It was the lake where we all went and sat for a break from the hectic and crazy world running all around us. Singing and pulling each other’s leg and talking our heart out to each other. Hours use to pass away like minutes and we just wished we could sit there like this forever. Shift our workplace there we would be the most loyal employees of the company. Indeed this thought crossed our minds many times.

Today that lake still waits for listening the most horrid melodies of those friends who were kids at heart and mind….but time passed by.
“Things change and we remain the same” heard this statement from many people but the painful truth will always remain that “things remain the same
we just move away”.

Throw a stone in the lake ripples are formed………..as each ripples moves away the water draws in towards the center. The same with life
as the ripples called time moves away, as each day goes by we grow old and drift away from many people but the memories become strong and strong
and move closer to us.

Years later we know when we will cross each other we will still shout and smile like we always did……we will remain kids the same we were……..aged kids who will stay kids forever………
maybe its true when said “I moved away from you but came more closer to your heart”

I realized that time just passed away so soon that the memories started hurting in the heart. I turned and decided to walk back to my destination. As I just started moving I heard someone call my name. I turned and I smiled………….there standing were my friend with whom I had made such beautiful memories at the same place……and its true I realized then no matter how much we change for the world we live in……… we will still remain same for the world we have lived with.

Love u guys 🙂

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Life…..Luv….

I watched him smile……the innocence on his face as he talked to her…..the sparkle in his eyes which just made me feel so light deep in my heart….the hair dancing as the winds just blow over them as if teasing them to play and dance……the strong lean body of his blocking the sunrays and appearing at its best as the sunlight shone more brightly all around him………..I wish he could listen to me….but what will I say…..i was mouth tied  as he gazed at me and then smiled…..i went all cold when he started walking towards me with her by his side………catching her soft tender hands in his strong calm and warm hand and talking to her softly in her ears afraid that their secret will be out to the world…..she smiled at every step with him knowing that she can’t fall when he is there by her side………clinging on to his firm arm for the first time that day she gazed at me…….and smiled…..then she waved with that beautiful innocence that it made me believe that angels do exists in this world…..a wink at me, made me smile with tears in my eyes……..i waved back and chuckled…..

They came and stood infront of me……..still smiling to the brim was this little angel with flowers in her hand and dreams in her eyes…..dreams which she knows will be fulfilled by this man standing next to her……she looked at him and he bent down as she whispered in his ears……he smiled with tears in his eyes as she said………”We miss you mom”…….she kept the flowers at my grave and kissed my graveyard stone where engraved was my name and “I’ll be with you angel forever and always”.

They turned and walked off……leaving me alone in this wait when they will return………waiting for that wink, that smile…..those words……These were the angels in my life……..my husband and my daughter……who knew I was here waiting for them everyday………In the hope of meeting again……..somwhere our hearts knew that this was the place………where heart can feel despite the eyes cannot see………….

May b this is what is called LOVE afterall JJ

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FRIENDS: JUST 4 U

LOVE U PALS:

i din’t knw wat it was 2 b happy until u thought me how 2 smile
i din’t knw wat it was 2 laugh until u came 2 wipe my tears
i din’t knw wat it was 2 say “I KNW IM NOT ALONE” until u came and said “I WILL ALWAYS B THERE FOR YOU”
i din’t knw wat it was like 2 live until i met u

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THE FRIEND CALLED VOICE……

A voice was screaming in my head “why are you behaving so different? Whats wrong in what is happening? Why can’t you stop cribbing over things that are happening?” This voice grew more and more as i tried to suppress it….the more i tried avoiding it the more it spoke to me…………who is this voice? asking me, telling me……talking to me………

I continued walking thinking and wondering who is this voice………………shouting at me…………..suddenly i saw the last book of my favorite author in the book store……the 1st edition of his book which was rare………and my face lit up seeing it……….i went inside and spoke to the store manager “Excuse me sir……how much is the cost of that book kept in the window for display?” “its Rs. 1500/- my dear as it is a rare book to find…………also as it is the first edition of the great author you see” immediately my hand went in my pocket to see how much money was i carrying……..and my heart sank seeing just Rs 1000/-…….i asked the elderly gentleman if he could give me the book for Rs 500/- less………..he politely said it was not possible to reduce the cost to so less………i asked if he could keep the book aside for me…….which he agreed…….and i was so happy…….”Thank you sir………..thank you so much……i will be back by evening and collect the book……….thank you”

i think i never ran at this speed ever in my life…….but this time i ran for the book i so desperately wanted………i reached home took the money and was on my way back to the store…………”now what………you happy all because you got that book you so much wanted? what if when you go there and the book is not there? what if somebody took the book as soon as you left the store?” Again the voice……..this time i was getting angry listening to what it was saying……….”how can the manager give the book to someone else…….i asked him to keep it at the side for me……….he won’t do that………and why are you troubling me with these questions and ideas which are nothing but just making me more furious……………..who are you? who has given you the right to ask me any question? ” “I am you……………you own self………..its you who gave me the right to ask you anything……….its me who makes you realize what you doing is right or wrong when you stand confused and ask yourself is what i am doing right? that time you are asking me………………and i am the one who makes decisions for you……………….” I was speechless………….how could i not recognize my own self? my own voice?

I walked slowly at the shop…….thinking of myself………thinking of the myself the voice……….and what all it said to me…………..i reached the desk of the manager…….“Sir!!!!!” “Oh!!! you……….well im sorry dear i couldn’t keep the book….i……….””what????????? but i had asked you……..i had assured you that i would be back in the evening for the book……….” “i know my dear child………but this man came to the shop as soon as you left…..he needed the book urgently and so i had to give it to him…………””but…..”

I had no words so i left the shop………….i was sad because i so much wanted that book…………but i couldn’t get it…….all because the store manager gave it to someone else…………”I was preparing you for it……….i had asked you……….but all you did was ignore the question?” “you saying as if you knew it was about to happen” “No………no one knows whats gonna happen……….but its my work to make to prepare for the worst……….we tell you many things sometimes directly and sometimes indirectly…………but you just ignore it saying why am i thinking of these things……….it can never happen…………..and if it does happen……….you st and crib over it…….saying i knew bad would happen………it was never you who knew………it was me making you think what if this happened…………..but you never heard me………..I’m no enemy of yours………..anything bad happening to you will hurt me also……..” “But why has this to happen always with me? why always bad happens?” “Bad is just the absence of good things……bad doesn’t exist………..its just the absence of the good moments that make us sad…….it wasn’t the manager’s decision of giving the book to someone else make you sad………but its the fact that the book is not in your hand right now……the absence of it is making you sad……….this is something that we never understand…………we cry over absence but never see the many other things present………if we start seeing the other side of life…………..living is not as bad as it seems…………”

At that moment a smile spread on my face……………for that was when i knew……….i had the presence of the task of finding the book again in my life……….and also the voice which gave me the task to achieve called LIFE…………

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